Service, Irish Style

(FYI, Superquinn is a big chain of supermarkets in Ireland.)



READ THE STORY FIRST AND THEN LOOK AT THE PIC OF THE CAKE...







Superquinn Employee: "Hello now. 'dis Superquinn, how can I help you?"

Customer: " I would like to order a cake for a going away party this
week."

Superquinn Employee: "What you want now on de cake?"

Customer: "Best Wishes Suzanne" and underneath that "We will miss you".

Superquinn Employee: "Dat all? Okay, Bye now."

Pierre Corneille quotes

Few people have heard of Pierre Corneille. He lived in the 1600s and much of his wisdom is as applicable today was when he wrote it.
Here are some of my favorites:


A first impulse was never a crime.


A good memory is needed after one has lied.


A liar is always lavish of oaths.


A true king is neither husband nor father; he considers his throne and nothing else.


A Victory without danger is a triumph without glory.


After having won a scepter, few are so generous as to disdain the pleasures of ruling.


Alas, I emerge from one disaster to fall into a worse.


Ambition aspires to descend.


An example is often a deceptive mirror, and the order of destiny, so troubling to our thoughts, is not always found written in things past.


As great as kings may be, they are what we are: they can err like other men.


Brave men are brave from the very first.


Clemency is the noblest trait which can reveal a true monarch to the world.


Danger breeds best on too much confidence.


Deceit is the game of petty spirits, and that is by nature a woman's quality.


Desire increases when fulfillment is postponed.


Do your duty and leave the rest to heaven.


Do your duty, and leave the outcome to the Gods.


Do your duty, and let the gods do the rest.


Each instant of life is a step toward death.


Every man of courage is a man of his word.


Flee an enemy who knows your weakness.


Force is legitimate where gentleness avails not.


Guess, if you can, and choose, if you dare.


Happiness seems made to be shared.


He who allows himself to be insulted deserves to be so; and insolence, if unpunished, increases.


He who allows himself to be insulted deserves to be.


He who allows me to rule is in fact my master.


He who can live in infamy is unworthy of life.


He who does not fear death cares naught for threats.


He who fears not death fears not a threat.


He who forgives readily only invites offense.


He who is hated by all can not expect to live long.


He who pardons easily invites offense.


He who plays advisor is no longer ambassador.


How delicious is pleasure after torment!


I agree to, or rather aspire to, my doom.


I can be forced to live without happiness, but I will never consent to live without honor.


I don't know how to defend myself: surprised innocence cannot imagine being under suspicion.


I have deserved neither so much honor or so much disgrace.


I see, I know, I believe, I am undeceived.


I would not like a king who could obey.


In recounting our woes, we often soothe them.


In the service of Caesar, everything is legitimate.


It is a crime against the State to be powerful enough to commit one.


It is the crime not the scaffold which is the disgrace.


It matters more how one gives than what one gives.


It takes good memory to keep up a lie.


Just vengeance does not call for punishment.


Love is a tyrant sparing none.


Master of the universe but not of myself, I am the only rebel against my absolute power.


My reason, it's true, controls my feelings, but whatever its authority, it doesn't rule them so much as tyrannize them.


My sweetest hope is to lose hope.


Oh rage! Oh despair! Oh age, my enemy!


Oh, how sweet it is to pity the fate of an enemy who can no longer threaten us!


One half of my life has put the other half in the grave.


One is often guilty by being too just.


One often calms one's grief by recounting it.


One ought to have a good memory when he has told a lie.


Peace is produced by war.


Reason and love are sworn enemies.


Self-love is the source of all our other loves.


Severity is allowable where gentleness has no effect.


The crime and not the scaffold makes the shame.


The greater the effort, the greater the glory.


The manner of giving is worth more than the gift.


The subject of a good tragedy must not be realistic.


They who overcome their desires once can overcome them always.


This dark brightness that falls from the stars.


Those who easily forgive invite offenses.


To conquer without danger is to conquer without glory.


To die for one's country is such a worthy fate that all compete for so beautiful a death.


To he who avenges a father, nothing is impossible.


To take revenge halfheartedly is to court disaster; either condemn or crown your hatred.


To vanquish without peril is to triumph without glory.


To win without risk is to triumph without glory.


Treachery is noble when aimed at tyranny.


True, I am young, but for souls nobly born valor doesn't await the passing of years.


We never taste a perfect joy; our happiest successes are mixed with sadness.


We never taste happiness in perfection, our most fortunate successes are mixed with sadness.


We triumph without glory when we conquer without danger.


When the patient loves his disease, how unwilling he is to allow a remedy to be applied.


When there is no peril in the fight there is no glory in the triumph.


When we conquer without danger our triumph is without glory.

Why God made moms

WHY GOD MADE MOMS
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Application for a night out with the boys

APPLICATION FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:

I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest authority in my life for the following period:

Time of return

Date: Time of departure: NOT to exceed:

Should permission be granted, I do solemnly swear to only visit the locations stated below, at the stated times. I agree to refrain from hitting on or flirting with other women. I shall not even speak to another female, except as expressly permitted in writing below. I will not turn off my mobile after two pints, nor shall I consume above the allowed volume of alcohol without first phoning for a taxi AND calling you for a verbal waiver of said alcohol allowance. I understand that even if permission is granted to go out, my girlfriend/fiancé/wife retains the right to be pissed off with me the following week for no valid reason whatsoever.

Amount of alcohol allowed (units) Beer Wine Liquor Total

Location: From: To: Location: From: To: Location: From: To:

Locations to be visited

Females with whom conversation

is permitted

IMPORTANT – STRIPPER CLAUSE: Not withstanding the female contact permitted above, I promise to refrain from coming within one hundred (100) feet of a stripper or exotic dancer. Violation of this Stripper Clause shall be grounds for immediate termination of the relationship.

I acknowledge my position in life. I know who wears the trousers in our relationship, and I agree it’s not me. I promise to abide by your rules & regulations. I understand that this is going to cost me a fortune in chocolates & flowers. You reserve the right to obtain and use my credit cards whenever you wish to do so. I hereby promise to take you on an unlimited shopping spree, should I not return home by the approved time. On my way home, I will not pick a fight with any stranger, nor shall I conduct in depth discussions with the said entity. Upon my return home, I promise not to urinate anywhere other than in the toilet. In addition, I will refrain from waking you up, breathing my vile breath in your face, and attempting to breed like a (drunken) rabbit.

I declare that to the best of my knowledge (of which I have none compared to my BETTER half), the above information is correct.

Signed - Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:

Request is: APPROVED DENIED

This decision is not negotiable. If approved, cut permission slip below and carry at all times.

"……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Permission for my boyfriend/fiancé/husband to be away for the following period of time:

Date: Time of departure: Time of return:

Signed – Girlfriend/Fiancé/Wife:

Application for a night out with the girls

APPLICATION FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THE GIRLS

Name of Girlfriend/Fiancé/Partner/Wife:

I’m going out.

Signed: (me) _____________________________